Monday, June 22, 2009

Ya gotta love the swiss

I have a friend from the nearish town of Bulle. It's a cool town, but it's main feature is that it's on the way to historic and cheese-making Gruyere. This results in some major traffic for the 15k citizens of wee Bulle. So for the last 20 years they've been debating on a solution. There's plenty of farmland around, but no one wants to sell. So? So, you tunnel under the city that's what you do. The originally gigantic budget has already doubled during the process, but everyone seems happy with this arrangement. So next time you venture to Gruyere, don't expect to see lovely Bulle. There's a lot of cities in the tops of the Alps, but this is the first to be on the top of your car on the top of the Alps. At least the first I know of.

Friday, June 19, 2009

Why do all email forwards have the same voice?

I think we all know the answer to this. The question is could we track her down. She must be a conservative Christian with a strong sense for the obvious. Even if she sees a picture of a cat on a golf cart, she can't resist adding her own commentary like "hang on, kitty!" She also enjoys narrating things as they go along, with phrases like "it gets better" and "there's a surprise at the end". She also types in 35 point font with a rainbow of colors to choose from. She's afraid you'll skip to the end so she puts a good five spaces between each line. Based on this I think it's safe to say she's somewhere in the upper mid-west. All we have to do is take one forward and trace it back all the way. Could you get started on that?

C'est la V

left the house late. ran to catch my train. took literally ten seconds to drop an envelope in the post box which contained a picture of my wife running the escalade race last december. some crafty photographer sends the pictures with a bill and says if you dont want it just write refuse on the envelope and send it back. i hope pursuing someone because they neglected to return your junk mail is illegal. saw the train. ran faster than i should of after having just showered. missed the train by literally ten seconds. i stop and pant for a minute. the thought crosses my mind. i should take the v bus. simultaneous with this thought coming into my mind i see the v bus driving away. i decide to catch the next one in twenty minutes since the next train is thirty minutes away and i've never taken the v to work before. the bus stops at genthod where a heavy set woman with a halfcrutch, you know the kind that cup your forearm, is waiting. i'm sitting close to the door with a fairly good view. when the doors open she throws her crutch inside and climbs in, grumbling. shes clearly in a fould mood and i clearly dont know what shes capable of if her path is crossed. everyone else on the bus is acutely aware of her in their periferal vision. a little while later she stands up and picks up her crutch and waits by the door. she tells the driver to stop at the next stop even though shes pushed the button several times. as the bus slows down i can see two ladies waiting to get on. the bus stops and the door opens and out flies a crutch. the two ladies jump out of the way as if they didnt expect anything to come shooting out of the bus. i watch the woman get off the bus, turn slightly, and then begin to pull on her skirt. in my mind i dont like where this is going but i'm too riveted in anticipation to look away. she lifts her skirt all the way up and peels down her sizable skivvies and commences peeing full-stream on the sidewalk. the woman in front of me can just say oh. i half cover my face with my hand as the bus with its visual victims drives away.